Dang...i completly forgot about this till Alex told me about how he checked it out a few days ago to find nothing has really changed.
Well LJ world...I am going to slu, dating a wonderful guy, love my summer job, finished my stagemanaging career with the very sucessful Wizard of Oz, working on deciding what im doing in life. Its all pretty good.

I just want to runaway and never ever come back.

I hate school. It is ruining my life.



Everyone says things are going to work out, but they won't. A D in precalc brings me to a lower GPA. My lower GPA makes me freak out about college. My parents expect me to go to some amazing school and expect so much out of me. I just can't do it. I can't live up to what they want me to be. Everytime my parents or my brothers ask about college I get so angry. I know have messed up. I know this. It's not like I want to be in this situation. I wish I could get straight A's and still do all my extra activities.



Ms. Miller is my only teacher who won't let me take my final early. Because of her, Ms. Lindquist won't let me take any early. School is literally killing me. I am dead inside.

while i was in the hospital I called one of my pretty good friends who is up at truman. she didnt answer, so i left a message telling her i was in the hospital dying and she should call me as soon as she can. she never called me back. i am very offended.

Three Day weekend next weekend! Kirkwood basketball game at Mizzou on Friday. I am driving down with some of my girls. Going to the game then staying the night with Ben and then driving to Kirksville on Saturday with him. Staying there till Sunday and getting a ride home with Christine. It is going to be absolutly great if this works out. But it prolly wont. because my life never works out.

Some facts:
-I like a 22 y/o named Ben AND a jr. named Brian.
-I worry about camp a lot.
-School makes me cry.
-People call me Miss Laurel and I don't know why.
-Homework pisses me off.
-I am not good enough.
-I am really homesick.

and for a moment I swear we were friends. for that moment i felt the world turning. for that moment i thought things were going to be ok. for that moment I felt it. But its gone. You have your girlfriend now, it doesn't matter that we were...are friends and i am standing in front of you with the tears rolling down my face. it doesnt matter. i told myself I wouldnt be upset when you got a new girlfriend, but you don't care about me anymore...thats when i start to care. I am through. I give up. I gave it all up for this, and now I have nothing. I am nothing. You didn't even acknowledge me. I know I am nothing to you. I am just some person.

I broke into my friends college facebook to see what all my college friends are up to. It's really neat. I found out my cousin is in the same dorm as two of my camp friends. Then I am looking at the pictures and I fell back in love with camp. Where else can you be covered in chocolate syrup and not be thought of as weird?
I want that more than anything and its not just because that is what people expect. Its because I live for the long summers with too many fun times and friends to last forever. I cry at the thought of not going back.

I loved bad joke week!! These are some of the bad jokes that were inspired.



What do you call a bass vocalist who is singing alone?
So-Low!!

How does Batman's mom call him for dinner?
"Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner! Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN!"

What is black, white, black, white, and green?
Two skunks fighting over a pickle!

What did the mommy buffolo say to her kid as he left for school?
Bison

What did the momma volcano say to the papa volcano?
I lava you!

How do you mend a jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.

How do you know when the moon is going broke?
When it's down to its last quarter.

CAMP APPLICATION IS IN!!!!!

Have you ever been walked out on? I have never suffered this. I know too many people who have. Tonight I had the sound turned on and I heard someone sign off and I cried for all of my friends. I cried for all the times I should have been left. I cried. The world has many beautiful occausions, but it can be such a cruel place. I have a good life. I wish my friends had the same. I live with both of my parents who are still happily married, and two caring older brothers. My family is a good one. I take it for granted how good I have it and wish I had a different life. This is a selfish attribute I hold. I want other people to have some of the luxaries I have.

I found another perk of being 17. I can donate blood!

My birthday pretty much sucked. I hate it more than anything. So I want to go slacklining. Someone was telling me how they did it the other day and I haven't done it in so long. I need to call Ben. I love him.

I am currently getting my ass kicked by fear.

my birthday is in 5 days. is the world ready for this? ha 17. what a waste? in seems like its so in between. at least i will be able to see R rated movies in 5 days.

I honestly don't like myself.